Hostage
by JazzSquares
Summary: I guess no one ever crossed over Jane and Hiccup because of the difference in Dragon mythology. But if some will turn Toothless Human than I can make him talk!
1. Chapter 1

The attack was like popping a zit; disgustingly messy, mixed with blood,and a futile effort and only promising scars.  
>Jane's kingdom was the face, the Vikings were the furious, dirty fingernails scraping at the surface.<br>They were only teenagers; that's what made them so much worst to deal with. Recklessly violent, the kids didn't aim they just chopped and swung at anything that was in their path. They left destruction behind them and were hideously laughing as they terrorized.

The red-haired heroin, Jane, was the one of few knights still fighting with respect. Her elder comrades weren't fast enough to keep up with the rough young brutes; this lead to a lot of amusement for the Vikings and deep humiliation for the proud knights.

While she fought on the ground, her friends watched her from above.  
>The Jester chewed on his hat as he watched a large Viking aim his mallet at Jane. There was nothing he could do except pray her diligent training kept her safe. It was a weak act but he was locked in the room ( by Jane, for his own safety).<p>

Jester's teeth caused a small hole in his hat, he only noticed this when he stopped chewing and heard the door open. It was Smithy, their kingdoms's blacksmith, pushed another young man into the room with Jester.  
>"Thank you so much! I couldn't bear the idea of being down their with those hethans! Sorry you have to weld everything by yourself, though." said the green eyed boy taking to Smithy.<br>"It's okay, Phil. We can't all be heroes." Smithy said with kind intentions. He left the boy named Phil with Jester.

"Some barbecue, huh?" green-eyes said.  
>"Yes, a happy get-together with smoked pig and grilled cow." Jester commented. The friend of Smithy was a fellow blacksmith from another kingdom that challeneged Jester in sarcasm frequently.<p>

"Your girl down there still?" Phil asked.  
>"She isn't my girl. But yes, still battling those unwanted barbarians." Jester informed Phil as they went to the window.<p>

From that angle they saw the knight, Gunther, fighting a blonde female Viking. She was faster with her axe but the dark haired knight almost got his sword into her waist.

Phil took an unexplained inhale then covered it up with, "I'm gonna be empathetic as I say I totally understand your need to get down their and protect your lady-friend."  
>"That doesn't help me! Dammit, I know they could turn me to ribbons, but at least I'd distract them from Jane for a second!"<br>Jester had his hands fisted.  
>"Well, nothing we can do about that. New topic, uhhh, do you know where they keep the extra suits of amor?"<br>Jester didn't pay him attention.  
>"Don't know? Okay, how about the ugly paintings of the previous royals? The family teasures? That...oh, what's it call? That place where you keep the bathtubs?" Phil asked innocently.<br>"Uggh, second floor to the right: somewhere in the king's room I assume and the lavatory is in the backyard like any decent place- but I don't have time for this!" Jester went to the locked door and tried pulling it open.

Phil calmly came behind his strugging. Jester raised an eyebrow. Taking the Jester serious, for once, he pulled out a funny little device from his pocket, put it in the keyhole. It took less than a minute, then the door opened.  
>Jester was confused but happy to be let out. He left the cowardly Phil and ran through the castle to the battle courtyard where the battle was going on.<br>He saw Jane keeping her pace with a ram-horned Viking; conquering him quite well. That made Jester a tiny bit relived until noticing a big, meaty Viking coming at her from the back.  
>Not knowing anything better to do, the Jester started singing.<br>" Oh no! Dear me,this cannot be! My eyes are bleeding from the uncouth squealing from one big, dumb viking melee!"  
>Oddly enough, this got the big Viking's attention.<br>"Who's squealing?" asked the high pitched Viking. In his slight distraction, Jane was able to push the ram-horned Viking into the bigger one.

Jester smiled, Jane grimaced. " Jester, I demand you go where it's safe!"  
>"I refuse. I can help you against these witless animals and -ahhh!"<br>He was cut short by the attack of the blonde Viking going against Jane.

"Witless he says? Unarmed and surrounded by the very 'animals' he's insulting. Not all that clever in my book." said the blonde as her axe slammed against Jane's armor.  
>"It must be a thin book! He is in no danger with me standing." Jane told her.<br>"Lets change that then." the blonde suggested.  
>The two warriors fought with strong motivation to see the other drained off blood. The fierce females could continue for hours if not for an elder knight's bizarre invention that spat large rocks in between them.<br>"Hahaha, take that, lassie!" Sir Ivan screamed happily.

Jane was separate from the blonde, but closer to Gunther. He fight was against another viking that laughed as his spearnmade contact with skin.  
>"You know, this could be done so quickly if you called on that flying frog of yours!" he yelled at Jane.<br>"This is a human matter, we can handle these brutes ourselves, lazybones." Jane yelled back at him, then saw a few Vikings sitting on defeated knights. The horned-helmeted warriors were laughing jollily.

"But maybe Dragon would enjoy assisting in a noble fry of these particular humans." Jane said.

The Knights had only their most viligent soilders standing. They stood in front of the kingdom's entrance, their colleages scattered around the grounds. The vikings were mostly well off; sweaty and bloody, all smiling with satisfaction.  
>"Do you give up yet, savages?" asked Sir Theodore.<br>"Hey, no name calling, Buttwipe. We got feelings too!" The Vikings laughed at this retort; no one was uncertain of victory.

"We'll see how they feel about burning alive." Jane whispered before yelling "DRAGON! I COULD USE SOME ASISTANCE OF YOURS!"

The Viking exchanged curious whispers about the word 'dragon' but didn't appear scared. Oh just wait, Jane thought smugly.

Dragon came swooping in, landed protectively in front of Jane, and facing the Vikings.  
>"I get called from my beauty sleep for a little bug problem? Oh fine, I'll start the stomping, for you Jane."<br>The green dragon left a foot to stomp on the big Viking Jester had earlier distracted. His eyes were wide with glee.

"Ooh, a JibberJabber! Don't get those around Berk. And he's a really big one! " he said excitedly, just observing the dragon.  
>"Don't try to flatter me, kid. I squish you either way." Dragon was putting his foot down when lightning bolt hit him in nose. This gave the squeaky one time to move out of Dragon's stomping range.<p>

It wasn't a stormy night so the Knights were confused.  
>A long haired Viking smirked cruelly at them. "Hey Dorks! You wanna play your dragon? Then let's fight fire with gas."<br>Another long haired, but female Viking behind him rolled her eyes at the cheesy line.  
>The courtyard started to fill with toxic green clouds.<br>"This does nothing! It barely smells bad! We'll still have our dragon burn you to a crisp." Gunther shouted confidently.

"I'm not your dragon, and this gas is too combustible to breathe fire in." Dragon stated, he was standing in patience to see where the gas source was coming from. He saw over gas at humans. He used his wings to push the gas back but there was too much.

Jane could see nothing pass the puke-green smoke, but then saw an area with a black figure in shape of a rabbit-like creature. She ventured towards it, sword in hand. When she saw it in full, she found it to be a dragon.  
>It was smaller than her Dragon, sleeker scaled and big green eyes that were catlike. If her friend Pepper saw the creature, she'd call it cute.<p>

Jane tightened her grip, "Friend or foe, little dragon?" she asked.  
>The dragon titled it's head in an adorable way. " Hmm. Friend to some, but defiantly not to you."<br>His eyes blame slit like and the dragon crouched in fashion ready to pounce. While Jane was a fast human, the dragon was faster and had her on her back in a second's time. He had blue fire in his mouth, ready to blast Jane's face when her Dragon knocked the black one away.

"Claws off my human, pal." Dragon stated, cool and furiously at once.

The little Nightfury looked slightly amused. "Aren't humans fun? Always asking for more fire power in their scraps. Oh, which reminds me:  
>Spark it!"<p>

Dragon covered Jane with his body and wings so that when a spark went off and set the whole courtyard into a huge explosion, she was 't harmed.

That took away the last of the Knight's physical resistance. The courtyard was all dark with smolderings. The Vikings were all unharmed and had double in numbers. Well, the extra numbers weren't humans.  
>With the gas gone, all sorts of colorful and distinguishing dragons were shown siding with the Vikings.<p>

"Usually our dragons just sit back, look awesome and enjoy our show ..." The Viking boy stopped to let his sister say "But if you let yours out, it's only fair we let ares on the playground, too."

Dragon had never seen so many of his kind at once. It would be the best day ever if they weren't apparently evil. He looked at the long necked, red Dragon. Hmm, maybe evil wasn't so bad. But then saw the cocky black one.

It took the curve of his claws to entice the Nightfury. The two dragons circled each other, they snapped and attempted blows but no contact was made.

Dukes up, Dragon said, "Come on, bunny-boy, whatcha got?"

'Bunny-boy' gave an arrogant snort, then smiled a mischevious smile. He zoomed around Dragon, a blow here and there. It wasn't Dragon's lack of trying to block, the Nightfury was just much more faster. It took all of eight minutes to pin Dragon down; he hated defeat but trying to follow the black blur had given him a killer headache.

"Is that all ya got?" Dragon dropped to the ground, little red dragons chasing each other in a circle above his head.

Jane went to her Dragon's head and tried to comfort him. Thought she wanted to protect his pride she stroked his head, she glared at the victorious Vikings and their horrible pets.

The Nighfury smiled then zoomed upwards, too high to see the direction other than up. Jane despised him but couldn't follow him in the air.

"Alright." The blonde female said loudly, a bright blue chicken-like dragon on her side. "We've conqured your spunky, but sad, defiance so now I know I can demand for the Hammer of Vili."

Sir Theodore looked at her with spite. "All this destruction for a hammer?"

"What, are you waiting for a 'please'?" The ram-horned Viking asked sarcastically. A few others chuckled.

The Knights were piqued. Only a few were still standing and no produced the hammer.

"Why do you even think we have your stupid hammer, Vikings?" Jane asked them.

The long-haired female Viking rolled her eyes, again. "Uhh, we wouldn't travel to this flimsy castle if our informants were dead wrong."

None of the Knights moved to get the hammer. Jane didn't think the King would keep a Viking hammer in his treasure room and had never seen it the castle. Even if he did she did not want to even spit on the brutes.

The Vikings were still smiling but losing pateince, their dragons rumbled beside them in boredom. The blonde whispered something to her dragon, she stared at Jane as she did. The blue dragon laughed a bit. Jane tried to be above caring.

There was then another blue bolt of lighting in alone in the clouds. The day was sunny, all the better to see the burning ruins of the Knight's castle home.

After seeing the bolt, the blonde Viking nodded and motioned to her fellows. They all started mounting their dragons into flight.

"This was fun, but with nothing left to smash, we're done here." The blonde said on her vibrantly colored dragon.

Crude language was thrown at the knights as the Vikings flew away.

"WAIT, YE COWARDS!" It was Sir Ivan, and his newest invention. A catapult-like device that threw six huge swords in the form of darts at the Vikings on their Dragons.

The Viking's dragons avoided them, but got pissed. The blonde-girl flew towards the old knight, her dragon swatted some spikes from her tail at him.

"I have a thing for inventors; but not when they're rudely attacking from the back!" She screamed, her dragon blasting a fireball at the invention. It didn't survive.

"Older but not wiser." The chicken-like dragon said before departing with the others.


	2. Hostage 2 Suits

"Dragons! They're a bloody hindrance in every culture!" Gunther stated in the healing room with the others.

"They're only evil because of who feeds them. They'd probably be delights if not for their damned influences." Jane said. She didn't like the beasts but had a little relief for Dragon's sake that he was not the last of his kind.

The raven-haired boy continued complaining, Jane went out to Dragon.

"Holding up?" Jane asked her bestfriend.

"Oh, I'm dandy. First time I meet fellows of my own kind in centuries and I look like squished butterfly. Uggh...why did they have to have Shortlives with bad hats and worst manners as sidekicks?" Dragon was depressed.

"They just grew up with the wrong crowd. It's terrible but, well...atleast they're there." Jane wanted to comfort him, because this could be a great thing...under different circumstances.

"Yep, they're there. Laughing at me. *Sigh* Why did I have to plummet around that gorgeous angel, huh?" Dragon slapped his forehead.

"Gorgeous...what?" Jane squeeshed her face.

"Oh don't deny it! Rocky moral fiber or not that babe has the curvy horns like I don't know what!" Dragon defended his crush.

"Are we talking about one of the Vikings' dragons? Seriously ?" Jane could not begin to guess which one he meant...they all looked hideous and montorous.

"You Shortlives and your weak eye-sight. The extemely pretty one? The one that's so hott it makes the sun look like a star? (Jane shrugged guiltiy) The Red One!" Dragon exasperated.

"OHHH! Right, she was...uhh...exotic...?" Actually with the black horns and spikes, rows of razor teeth and sharp angles the she-dragon seemed exactly out of a nightmare.

"Exotic is an understatement, Jane. If you were experienced enough to understand, I'd be a lot more explicit about how badly I want to swap smoke with That!" Dragon swooned, thinking about those slit-gold eyes.

Jane was piqued about his comment, calling her naive in so many words. It lead her to think about Jester. "Maybe you should talk to Jester about...such things. You know, male to male."

"Yeah, no. Jingles is nothing but a downer in that area because of a certain someone..." Dragon let on, letting it sink in. It was Jane's life, but he had to watch it...unfortunately.

"Don't start that tonight. Where is Jester anyway?"

...

The Viking teens landed at their camp, far away from the kingdom, to their elders.

Gobber was there, roasting a chicken on his special limb. "So, kids, how did yer first raid go?"

"We left nothing standing." Snotlout said smugly, ever so arrogant.

"If you don't count the castle, but everything around it was pretty much smoking- and that was before the dragons came in I might add." Fishleggs informed him.

"Uggh, Dragons were discouraged as weapons of choice. Little cheaters!" Gobber liked the pets of Berk, but it was pushing tradition too much to add them in everything.

"We were doing fine without them, but the Suits tried to be oh-so shocking with a dragon of their own. They started cheating as we were leveling the battlefield." Astrid clarified for him.

"I only wished we leveled the whole place- hoo-hooo! Those shiny losers were too easy!" Snotlout laughed, and then lay against a log. Hookfang sat behind him, in conversation with the other dragons.

"One minute they're setting fire to ant mounds, the next it's entire human-mounds... Their life span is so short!" Meatlout wasn't getting emotional, she was proud to see her human grow up right (by Viking standards).

"Hey, Gobber, does getting a hostage give us extra credit?" Tuffnut asked.

"Only if he's of value. Did ya get the prince?" Goober asked half-interested.

"Man, no one considers that as valuable. But you like to laugh, right?" Ruffnut smiled a twisted smile, she had her Zippleback in behind and in their teeth was a jingling blue boy who was not in his happy place.

"A jester? Not much but okay for your first time. It'll be worth more if he tickles my fancy." Gobber stated.

Jester's collar was held by the female twin. Terror in his veins; he tried to shut off his imagination as not to see the horrible things the Vikings would do to him.

"You. (Jester looked at Ruffnut) Make them slap their knees or we slap yours." She said when the pushed him into the center of the Viking camp- center of everyone's attention.

_My life depends on being funny…it always does but usually doesn't involve heart-attacks;_ Jester's thoughts. No one looked nice, they just stared him down while looking grimy and mean.

Jester mumbled something, then took some balls out of his pants (haha) pocket. Juggling as a start, maybe they hadn't seen this before.

Snotlout yawned, "This would be slightly unpathetic if it had an edge to it." He looked at Hookfang, she grinned and sent a tiny flame towards the balls. They didn't stay lit; they just burned in the air.

"Cheap!" Tuffnut complained, he faced his sister. "You're joker makes me wanna stick nails in my eyes."

"Okay, got any nails around here?" Ruffnut pushed him on his back, yelled at Jester "Tell some jokes, for Freyja's sake!"

Jester had little blisters on his hands but clapped them together and smiled, "Alright. Where do knights go for a bite to eat?"

"An all-Knight tavern?" Ruffnut guessed with very little energy.

"And don't talk about the Knight-Shift, the Knightly-News or Sleepless-Knights!" Astrid said to him, bored already.

Jester made a face. "Would you rather I just jump on a pike myself and save you all the time?"

"That'd be generous of you." Fishlegs said, Meatlug nodded behind him.

"Oh might as well. Just toss me aside you do with all your soap." Jester let that one slip, hopping it might be crude enough to win a little time before they made him start jumping.

"Ouch, trying to sting us, huh?" Tuffnut said, digging in his ear.

"I would never get close enough to you to sting; the stench keeps me back for miles." This could either save or hang me, Jester thought.

It made Ruffnut chuckle. "I laugh cause it's true." She rolled her hand in a gesture to make him continue.

"You know what else is true? (Confidence gaining a little) The soreness of my eyes. Do Vikings aim to be horrible dressers because it scares well-off people or are you just naturals at it?" Jester was cheerful-sounding, but his insides were beating like drums.

That made Snotlout laugh, "Told you to go with the elk-helmet."

"Yes, listen to that guy, he clearly knows what's up." said Jester. Snotlout nodded in approval. "But what's down, around or infront of him, well. He tried his best, that's all we can ask of him."

Hookfang snorted in disapproval, but it made the other Vikings laugh. Even if the lines weren't brilliant, the blue-boy's delivery was pretty great.

"Okay, stop me if I'm going too far. (Not likey in this crowd) What do you call when Vikings are buried up to their neck in sand?"

Astrid says "A bad day at the beach?"

"Nope, not enough sand!" Big smile, huge worry they'd not like it. He was wrong. The crowd he insulted ate it up like candy. The dragons were getting kicks out of the lines; you could see all their sharp teeth when they laughed.

"Ok, ok. What's the difference between a horned helmet and a horse's tail?" Jester asked, getting jolly.

"One goes on the butt?" Fishleggs guessed.

"Reasonable but no. Only one covers the whole arse-hole!"

The Vikings slapped their knees, enjoying the unkind remarks whole-heartedly. It made Jester feel good to see laughter on others' faces. What made this even better was it kept him from being dragon-snacks.

"Ooh! What do you call a Viking with half a brain?" Jester was a-glow with sureness in himself.

"A dude slice down the middle?" Tuffnut asked, chest out of air.

"No. GIFTED!" Jester threw his arms up, full smile. The Vikings stopped laughing. _Ok, fear_ _back_ thought Jester.

"Ain't that the truth!" An older Viking belowed. Everyone, the teens and the few adults that came along to watch their progress, continued to laugh happily.

"The only thing to complete this would be some dancing." Suggested Snotlout.

Jester felt good again, "Splendid, I practice all my feet can stand." He smiled, that earned a smirk from his audeince. He shut up and just did a gig.

"I'm snoring over here." Tuffnut complained, he winked at a Terrible Terror (name was Grubby) who hissed in agreement then shot little flames at Jester's feet.

He danced faster, the smile not ceasing from his face. The Vikings were content with his present living situation so all was well. Part of his brain wondered how long this would go on before they started raiding again or what they'd feed their dragons. Or who….

"This is getting dull, Snotty, when do we depart for someplace more…jewel filled?" inquired Hookfang, Snotlout's tall, proud red dragon.

"Not til we get the hammer, red. He should be here… (They saw a shadow in the shape of a Nighfury) about now." Snotlout stated as the creature started to descend.

Jester kept boogying as he watched the black-rabbit looking dragon land with a wrapped item in him front claws. There was something on his back; correction, someone…familiar.


End file.
